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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in anketa0119's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, March 25th, 2012
1:52 am
missing my friend. i remember you. i always will. you were there when i needed you most and when you needed me i was off somewhere with my head buried in the sand. i am so sorry my friend. i pray that you forgive me. and i pray that one day i'll be able to forgive myself.
Thursday, March 15th, 2012
3:12 am
apps.


y am I awake at 3am.  I am going to regret this. using lj on my phone is way too much for me. fuck the apps. I'm going for the pc.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

Friday, April 29th, 2011
9:33 am
Just downloaded the lj app so maybe i'll be able to check up on my lj friends. Hope all is well.
Might even post more often. Being able to put my thoughts in a post helps me a lot.
Saturday, March 19th, 2011
12:54 am
i hope that everyone is ok.
Maybe I don't deserve to have a child of my own. I think she was right.
Saturday, January 29th, 2011
11:13 pm
i want my friend back. i want my life back. i want to be who i was. i want everything. y can't i be happy.
Sunday, November 14th, 2010
6:05 pm
oh yeah, christmas is coming, so back at square one. hopefully life will get easier after in 2011.
i hope every one is doing okay.
and if i'm unable to post before the holidays, Happy thanksgiving, and Marry Christmas.
Sunday, December 6th, 2009
3:55 pm
y can't i just die
Friday, February 6th, 2009
1:06 pm
i am so frustrated.
i just want to scream!
Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
2:39 pm
just wanted to say that i'm very proud of my friend. i wish i could be where she is right now in her life. i can only hope that years from now i can be half the chick she is today.
peace to all the bitches.
2:08 pm
i need to be needed
i don't know where to begin. it's been sometime since i last updated.
first, thanks for all the comments. i read them whenever i can. i don't have internet at home, but i do get a chance every other week to use someones comp. so thanks.
its that time of year again when i get all fucked up. every year at this time, i get depressed cause it's around the time my father was killed and his birthday is next month.
not only am i dealing with my own shit, my gf's father was killed.  i'm loosing my mind.  i want her to talk to me, but she holds it all in. i need her to need me, and i can't do anything.
i can't deal with stress. i can't deal with other people and their crap. it's fucked up, cause i want to be there for her, but it's taring me apart.
i don't know what to do. she asked me to tell her wats wrong. but wat do i do, tell her that i'm a selfish child, who doesn't care about anyone else but myself. i wish she would just talk to me. but she wont cause she's worried that i'm going to just remind me of my shit. i want her to talk to me, i want to her to feel as though she can tell me anything. i want to be strong enough to be there for her. i want her to let me take care of her.  and maybe i'll stop thinking of myself so much.

i lost a friend. i hate it. i don't know wat happen or y things happen the way they did.
i'm finding out that some people are just fakes.  i just have to let it go. i hate it though. i just don't understand. when i need someone the most, where's my "friend".

i'm tired of typing. i feel so sick today. i think i'm going to do something today, that i've been trying so hard to give in to. but i feel the need to do something, anything. this feeling is driving me insane.
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
3:52 pm
 i wish i knew how to balance everything. i don't want to be without her, but i love my kid and i miss him when i'm away. y can't these people live closer together. i need a job. and a car. and some type of therapy.
i love everyone for sticking by me
Thursday, June 12th, 2008
12:32 am
i'm going crazy.here. i don't know wat to do. i'm so tired of crying. i don't want to think about shit anymore. i feel like i have to do something.
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
11:08 pm
life is fucked up. and i'm praying that cece gets through this. i pray that she's alright. i fucked up and i know this. i want to be better. i want to fix things but i don't know how.  god wat the fuck is wrong with me. 
all she had to do was make a decision. but instead, i looked for attention else where. i looked for an emotional connection somewhere else. it was a mistake. it didn't fix anything, plus it hurt the people i care about.
god please give me the strength to do wat she needs. i need to walk away so that i can't hurt her anymore. 
i have to remember that things happen for a reason. i have to believe that.  how can i hurt someone i love. someone i called my friend. i hate myself. i wish that i take this pain away from her.
god i only want her to be happy and if i'm not able to be there for her, i just pray for her happiness. god please watch over her. don't let that guy hurt her. please make her feel safe again.  thank you.
Thursday, May 29th, 2008
10:59 pm

my mind is racing. i want her with me and i can't do anything about the situation.

Monday, May 26th, 2008
3:08 pm
 i miss her
Saturday, May 24th, 2008
10:48 pm
 i hate it. i hate everyone. i hate everything. i just HATE!
it's who i am and it's the reason i hate myself.
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
1:56 pm
just a thougt
 i wanna sex u up.
Friday, May 9th, 2008
10:31 am
i hate this. i hate that i hurt people. i don't want people think that i lie to them about anything. i know how it feels to be lied to and i hate it. i don't want that. 
i don't want her to delete her lj. 
this isn't the first time that i've had this situation. but i want it to be the last.
i want to be able to open up and talk outside of lj. i want to be able to trust someone enough to tell them everything that i feel. 
i am afraid that i'll say the wrong thing or say something that will hurt her. i don't want to hurt anyone. i am afraid that wat i say might scare u off. i am afraid. 
i suck when it comes to communication. i don't know how to just talk. i get really nervous when people look at me and i can't talk. it's hard. it's even harder when ur brain is tell u all these different things at one time. i get confused and i shut down. this is why i type here. it gives me a chance to get my thoughts out without someone looking at me, and without fear of saying the wrong thing.  it gives me time to filter my thoughts so that i don't sound like the idiot that i feel like i am when i open my mouth.
i have always hated talking to people. 
but i want to try. i want to be better. i want to open up to u. 
i wish i could explain better. i wish i could get over this.
Thursday, May 8th, 2008
9:18 pm

 i'm tired.

i miss her

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
10:23 am
 i love my friends. but i don't want any more of them. i don't need more friends.
i can't seem to have wat i want.
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